Friday, July 16, 2010


After we married, my sweet husband was absolutely horrified when one morning I walked sleepily over to the fridge and proceeded to eat a piece of chocolate cake for breakfast. Another morning it was pizza. Even chili. Sometimes brownies. From that point on he dubbed me a "Non-Taster", for surely a person with taste buds would not choose non-breakfast items and call it breakfast.

When I'm hungry, I want to eat. I frankly don't care what it is, I just want my hunger pains to go away and pronto. So, it's no surprise that at least one of my wee ones would have inherited my lack of taste buds. And, I'm sad to say, it's the little miss.

The girl will eat anything...mostly from items you or I would deem "non-edible". Toilet paper is a particular favorite. Crayons are up there on her list too. A cheerio or goldfish from a couch cushion is also fair game. Don't get me started on toilet water or the lone sippy cup that somehow rolled under the couch...gross.

One day I was preparing lunch and heard Ethan cry from the dining room, "Ummmm...mommy. There's something wrong with Eva." I ran in from the kitchen to see the little miss sitting on the floor, wide-eyed and her mouth white and foamy. I F-R-E-A-K-E-D. I swiftly lifted her from the floor and began to beat the center of her back with the heel of my hand. But, I quickly noticed she wasn't choking. I swept her mouth and there was nothing there. I asked Ethan what she ate and he had not a clue. So, I called poison control. Thoughts were reeling through my head, "How could I have left her in there with Ethan...Please, Lord, let her be okay...How could I have missed something she could have gotten into."

Then my thoughts were interrupted by the reassuring voice on the other line, "Poison Control, what is the nature of your call?" I quickly spewed how my daughter ate something and that she was foaming at the mouth...she wasn't choking, but I don't know what she ate...I wasn't with her at the time...please help me...I don't know what to do." Before she could reply to my ramblings, I glanced down at my feet and saw a small white object lying near Ethan's coloring book. I picked it up and noticed one end was bitten off. I rubbed it between my fingers and realized I was holding the remnant of a piece of chalk in my hand. I shouted, "CHALK! She ate chalk!" The woman on the other end of the line was quiet for a moment and then burst into laughter. She was laughing so hard I could barely make out the words, "She's going to be just fine. She probably had a blank stare on her face because it tastes like crap." I had my daughter on one hip and I just stood there staring at that little piece of chalk in my hand. She had ate nearly the entire thing. I was dumbfounded. I was snapped back to reality by the woman's words, "Ma'am, everything will be just fine. Just give her a big drink of water." And with that I hung up the phone, but not before hearing the woman say faintly, "You guys won't believe the call I just got."

I shook my head and looked at the little miss..."Seriously, Eva. CHALK?!" She looked at me and smiled, then slowly leaned toward the chalk in my hand to give it one last lick.


Heather said...

oh, that made me laugh out loud! :)

so, i want to know, what's wrong with chocolate cake, brownies or pizza for breakfast?? i've had pizza for breakfast on numerous occasions, and would probably indulge in some chocolate cake or brownies occasionally, if i had them on hand. (will power and restraint tend to run low in the mornings, no?) i do have enough restraint to say no thank you to fuzzy goldfish and chalk, but chocolate cake? that's different. :)

Sarah said...

Hyesterical! I love how you write like I think....What a great perspective!

Thanks for making me laugh!

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