Wisdom from a Homeless Man...

(photo: fpcyorktown.org)

Today I was super busy.  I had children to school, errands to run and a house to clean, all before Emerie's nap time.  I was in auto-pilot mode so we could stay on task, which meant during errands I was buzzing my kids around the store in the cart, paying no mind to others around me.

This selfish mentality followed me into the parking lot where I hurriedly ushered my kids into the car and put the shopping bags in the back.  As I began to get into the driver's seat, I looked up and noticed a disheveled man approaching me.  While I did not know him personally, I knew who he was.  He was a homeless man.  A homeless man I didn't have time to entertain.  A man who was going to interrupt my schedule.  A man who would ask me for something.  As he approached he began speaking in a very humble manner, "Excuse me miss.  I don't want to bother you, I know you are busy and I'm sorry to interfere, but I haven't had anything to eat in two days."  I gave him my false look of empathy and said, "I'm sorry but I don't have any cash."  I wish that were true.  I had a ten dollar bill sitting idly at the bottom of my purse.  I lied.  I didn't want to give it to him in case I needed it later.  He said, "Oh, okay.  Thank you anyway!"  and began walking away.

I was struck immediately by a sense of guilt.  Not only for lying, but suddenly I realized that the man never asked for money.  What he said was, "I haven't had anything to eat in two days."  I looked over at the grocery bag in the passenger seat.  A bag that contained two unopened bags of pretzels.  One for us, and one for him.  Before I could speak, Ethan piped up from the backseat, "Mama!  Let's give him one of our bags of pretzels."  I hurriedly started my car to catch up with him as he was nowhere in sight.  I drove up and down the parking lot aisles as the two big kids and I kept our eyes peeled for him.  Ethan exclaimed, "There he is mom! Hurry!"

I drove up to him and he looked at me.  He had a half-eaten hostess chocolate cupcake in his hand and was polishing off the last bit as I rolled down my window.  I held out the bag of pretzels to him and said, "I have a bag of pretzels...they're yours if you want them."  He smiled at me and shook his head, "That's ok.  That guy over there gave me one of his cupcakes."  I looked where he was pointing and sure enough there was a man sitting in his truck holding the other cupcake.  The gift giver smiled at me, held up his cupcake and nodded.  I looked back at the homeless man and insisted, "Yes, but you don't know when your next meal is, you can have these and save them for later."  He smiled again and said, "That's okay, I don't need them.  Someone will take care of me."  Then he nodded at the cars piling up behind me in the parking lot and said, "You're holding up traffic."  I pulled the pretzels back into the car, smiled and drove away.  My first thought was, "Geez you're dumb.  I'm giving you a bag of pretzels for FREE and you're turning me down."  Then it became clear to me.  And I began to cry.  The irony was not lost on me.

This homeless man was no dummy.  He was wise.  He trusted that he would be provided for.  He trusted that his hunger would be met with food, though he didn't know when.  He didn't need to store up anything for later.  There would be a gift giver who would make a sacrifice and would care for him.  It was as if the Holy Spirit removed my blinders of selfishness and scripture began running through my mind:

Matthew 6:25-34

“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes?  Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?

 “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."

Then I immediately thought of the children of Israel as they wandered through the wilderness for 40 years.  When the Lord provided manna from Heaven he gave them the warning to only gather what they needed for each day.  If they attempted to store any food for the next day, in the morning they woke to rotten, stinky, bug-infested food.  The Lord, in His wisdom and mercy was teaching them dependence on Himself.  How would the nations around them see God as a perfect, holy provider and come to Him, if the children of Israel only depended on themselves?  He wouldn't get the glory.

The lesson for me was two-fold:  be a giver, and be dependent.  Give as the Lord has so graciously blessed me, and be dependent knowing that the great gift-giver who sacrificially gave His life will meet my needs (ie. give up the stinking $10 if the Lord is asking for it...it's not mine anyway!).  In being a gift giver, and being dependent, God gets the glory.  I am so struck by this situation that I can't stop thinking about it.  Lesson learned, Lord.  

This homeless man got it.  Or was he even a homeless man?  Did I fail at entertaining an angel? (Hebrews 13:2 "Do not forget to show hospitality to strangers, for by doing so, some people have shown hospitality to angels without knowing it.")

Family Photo Outtakes...

Yesterday I rounded up the littles and begged my hubby to put down the garden trowel so we could capture a family photo.  We smoothed our hair, plastered on smiles and came up with one lovely gem.  But, what good are family photos without showing you the outtakes.  I'm all about keeping it real around here...

Ethan:  "Mom look, I'm flying with my elbows!" Me: "Dude, put your elbows down! Everybody smile big!  Seriously, Ethan put your elbows d..."

*click*

"Oh, hey.  This one isn't too bad...wait, the baby's eyes are closed.  Okay guys one more time!"

Ethan:  "Ummm guys...Emerie's pulling my hair.  Oh wow, this really hurts!"

*click*

"Wait...everyone come back we're not done yet!  Eva, stop jumping!  Guys just one more pic..."

*click*

"Okay guys...suckers for everyone if we can make this our last one!!!"

*click*

Aaaaaaaaaaaaand that's a wrap...

A friend of mine saw this photo on Facebook and commented that it was a "sweet family photo." I had to laugh, knowing all it took to capture one good shot.  Can you imagine the film we save by using digital cameras these days?

Waking Up A Mom...

"(24/7) Once you sign on to be a mother, that's the only shift they offer."

Jodi Picoult, My Sister's Keeper

For me, the best part of waking up has zero to do with Folgers in my cup...

I will never forget the very first morning I woke up as a mom.  It was super-early while still in the hospital and I could hear the sound of the nurse pushing the little rolling crib holding our newborn son down the hall.  The door opened and the light from the hallway flooded into the dark room.  This scenario happened with our daughters as well, and it will always be something that I remember and cherish as a new mom...those tiny swaddled bundles being brought to me to care for in the wee hours of the morning.  The chaos of the delivery the day before had worn off, and I officially felt like a mom to the little baby in my arms.  I love those precious times with those sleepy little faces.

Our little Jackson's are still early risers.  Every morning they pile into our bed, well before 7 am.  There is lots of blanket tugging, squirming, tossing and turning and knees and elbows to the back...but, there are also sweet whispers of, "I love you," kisses to the forehead and soft talk of what's in store for the day.  As tired as I am and as much as I am looking forward to a bit of caffeine, I will always love starting my day this way.  

Knocking Down Cobwebs....

Okay...it's been five months since my last post...five months!  I admit, this unintended hiatus has gotten a little out of hand.  Somewhere between giving birth and sleepless nights, posting on the blog got neglected.  Not only do I have to knock down a few cobwebs and do a bit of dusting and decluttering of the ol' blog, but I practically have to reintroduce myself.  So, I'm taking a cue from this girl and this girl  and telling you more than you ever wanted to know about me.  A post like this sort of writes itself, which is awesome since my creativity is a bit zapped right now.  I guess we can just call this a TMI fest...so here ya go!

*I love food and am a self-professed food snob.  I am pretty adventurous and really love ethnic food.  I am not  a fan of chain restaurants and usually seek out local places in any city.  Brent and I have been known to plan entire vacations around the restaurants we want to visit. 

*I loved being pregnant all three times.  Seriously, love. the. belly.  If I could go back and get a different degree, I would be a labor and delivery nurse or an ultrasound technician.  I love listening to other people's birth stories and just love the whole pregnancy process so much.

(preggo pics from left to right:  Ethan, Eva, Emerie)

*I have always been an early riser but would not consider myself a morning person at all.  I usually don't sleep past 7:00--not taking into account the early wake-up call from the kiddos.

*I hate going to bed with a messy kitchen...and whenever I do, it makes me grumpy to see a mess that I have to clean first thing in the morning.

*I consider myself a good cook, but I make crappy pancakes.  I cannot for the life of me get it right.  Brent however makes amazing pancakes and is the Saturday morning pancake maker.

*My mama intuition stinks.  We never found out the gender of our kiddos, but I guessed wrong all three times. Even when the old wives tales proved to be a good fit, I still stuck to my (incredibly wrong) guns.

*I (we) named my kids all 'E' names but it wasn't on purpose.  The names just stuck.  Eva was supposed to be Avery, but the name just didn't sit well.  Emerie would have broken the mold and been 'Miles' had she been a boy.  We affectionately refer to our brood as the 'Trifecta' or 'E to the third power'.

*I can't handle the smell, taste or texture of eggs.  They make me gag.  Eggs and I will never  be friends.

*I always wear either leggings or sweat pants to bed year round because I don't like the feeling of my legs rubbing together in my sleep.

*I don't like chick flicks...I'm more of an action/adventure/comedy gal.  

*I love reading, but I totally cheated and did the cliff's notes version of most of the required reading in all of my literature classes during college.

*I've never had a cavity.

*As a kid, I was an extra on a dumb Steven King movie called, "Sometimes They Come Back."  Seriously, a horrible movie.  More cheesy than scary.  My sisters and I were in a scene set up as a hometown parade/festival.

*I had to wear glasses beginning in second grade until three years ago when my optometrist said I shouldn't be wearing glasses at all.

*I have been asked by strangers (more times than I can count) if we've met before or am told by others that I look familiar or look like someone they know.  Maybe this happens to lots of people, but it seems to happen to me all the time.

*I always wash my hands and make my kids wash theirs when we get home from church or public places...I am a moderate germaphobe.

*I do not like alcohol of any kind...it just tastes gross to me.  If I have to acquire a taste for it, then it isn't worth the calories.

*My favorite drink is a non-fat chai with vanilla.  Brent makes an excellent true Indian chai that I can never say no to.

*I'm afraid of heights.  Like absurdly afraid.  I have tried several times to overcome my fear, but once I'm at the top, I freeze and it takes me forever to get back down.

*I have this weird fear of knocking out my two front teeth.  I once hit them on a slide as a kid and since then, if I trip or slip and fall, I will sacrifice any body part to save my teeth.

*I love to travel, but really hate to fly (that's probably a 'duh' since I'm afraid of heights).  I can't relax on a plane and don't feel completely at ease until I've landed.

*I am really outgoing and make friends in the weirdest places...like on vacation.  It always shocks me a little by the depth of what acquaintances are willing to tell me (though, I really enjoy listening to others).  I guess I have a trust-me-with-your-life-story kind of face.

*Brent and I have known each other since the fourth grade.  We had huge crushes on each other in middle school but never dated.  That means we've known each other for 24 years, been together for 14 and married for nearly 12.  I've always thought he was super-attractive, but I think he gets hotter with age.

*I don't like regular jelly beans, but my favorite candy is Jelly Bellies.  I even have a Jelly Belly dispenser on my desk at work.

*For the better part of the week I am a vegetarian, but when the weekend comes I give myself the freedom to eat meat.  I do not champion a vegetarian lifestyle because of morals and ethics...no, my reasons are pretty shallow.  I do it because it's cost effective.

*When I was pregnant with Emerie all I wanted was meat...which is why 'Meatless Monday' posts were shelved for nine months.  I felt like a hypocrite posting meatless recipes while regularly devouring a juicy burger in secret.

*I don't like messes or clutter.  I have a hard time functioning when there is chaos...but with three kids, that means I'm having to learn to both relax a little AND task the kids to pick up their own stuff. It's GLORIOUS (the kids picking up, not living with clutter).

*I hate doing laundry, it will always be last on my long list of things to do.  Seems a bit out of place considering the above confession.

All right...now it's your turn!  Tell me all about you!

Introducing...

We would like to introduce you to the newest Jackson 5 member, Emerie Anne Jackson.  Our sweet second little miss entered this world weighing 6lb. 10oz. and 17 1/4 in long.  Hearing her loud screams echo off the walls of the stark O.R. walls (she was breech and a scheduled c-section...very interesting experience) was music to our ears.

Emerie is such a miracle and her safe arrival is an answer to many fervent prayers.  At 12 weeks of pregnancy, we thought we may lose her due to a hemorrhage that developed.  We were even told by one doctor during my pregnancy that we should feel fortunate to have the two children we already had, and that we could always, "try again" if we lost this baby.  There was nothing I nor the doctors could do in order to create favorable circumstances for Emerie's survival.  There were no procedures they could perform or medications to change things.  Emerie is here, like any of us, purely by the hand of a gracious, loving  and sovereign Heavenly Father.  

Those cheeks get my kisses all day long...

We are so grateful to have Emerie in our family.  Ethan and Eva simply love her to pieces, and our family feels so complete with her here.

By the way...The pictures were taken by my good friend Nicole Young and her business partner/mom Deb Blackman from Urbanwings Artography.  If you are in the Des Moines area, get in touch with them.  We use them for all of our family photos, and they are simply amazing at what they do!  Check out their website www.urbanwingsart.com  or like them on facebook!

What To Do When Your Baby Is Breech and Other Crazy Pregnant Ramblings...

Week 33 and desperate to try anything that will turn a breech babe.

What does a bag of peas, stack of pillows, heating pad, flash light, classical music and the webster method all have in common?  They are all supposed ways of turning a breech baby.  Yep.  Baby J prefers to march to the beat of a different drum and has decided to settle into breech position.  Desperate times call for desperate measures and I've got six weeks to try to convince baby J that head down is best for all involved.

My midwives gave me a detailed sheet of exercises and tricks to try at home, some of which include the above items I mentioned.  I sort of laughed off all the techniques until I got visions of c-section recovery in my head and decided the sheet was worth a shot.

First I tried stacking pillows under my bum until my hips were so high in the air above my head that my face began turning red.  I managed to stay in that position eight of the recommended ten minutes until the pounding in my head and the kicking baby convinced me to give it up.  I rolled myself from my perch and decided I'd try again the following day.

The next day, I reread the sheet of to-do's and decided maybe I should couple high-hips with some of the other techniques for a sort of trifecta the baby couldn't win against.  Once again, I propped my hips up on pillows, face turning beet red, with a bag of frozen peas at the top of my abdomen and a flashlight pointed just above my hips directly on my belly. According to the sheet, the baby should try to escape from the cold and head into the light. While in this compromising position, my husband walked in the room and gave me the, lady-are-you-crazy-look.  Not really wanting to explain my loss of dignity, I handed him the sheet and said, "Here, it's on this sheet of paper.  Just read it."  He read it, shook his head and said, "Let me know how that works out for ya." Then left the room.  This position lasted 10 minutes with no turned baby .  I came to the conclusion that someone came up with these loony positions just to see if some crazy, desperate pregnant lady would give it a try.  Not wanting to disappoint, I became the crazy, desperate pregnant lady.

The following day, I decided to try the last position on the sheet.  It was a variation of the pillows under the hips position, except the desperate pregnant lady is to lean an ironing board against a couch creating an angled plane.  Next, said lady is to lie down on the board with head pointed toward the floor, holding the position for 15 minutes.  This time, I decided I would try it when I was alone.  My pride simply couldn't handle the questions from the kiddos and head shakes from my hubby.  I leaned the ironing board on the couch, then I sort of half-shimmied up the board until my body was at a complete angle with the top of my head resting on the floor, a bag of frozen peas on the top of my abdomen above the baby's head, and a heating pad at the bottom of my abdomen.  Supposedly, the baby is to make like a bird and head south away from the cold and toward warmer weather.  Under my breath I said, "Lord please let this work." Then I talked to the baby, pleading with him/her to get in correct position.  This position lasted all of five of the recommended 15 minutes, at which point I began getting indigestion coupled with my beet-red face and the sensation that passing out was imminent.  So, I rolled my pregnant self off the board and threw away the sheet of paper that stripped me of my dignity.  Stupid paper.

Lastly, I decided I would probably be better off going to the chiropractor to see what she could accomplish. I had heard of the Webster Technique and figured it couldn't hurt to give it a shot.  So after two days and two adjustments, I'm still not sure if the baby is turned, but I feel incredible (there may have been a change of position as of last night.  I think it's possible that I'm feeling the baby's bottom up top now) .  She has loosened up some ligaments that I had no idea were tight.  I only wish I had gone to her sooner.  If this doesn't work there's always moxibustion.  I can just have Brent burn incense next to my pinkie toe, while I'm upside down with peas, heating pad and flash light balanced on my protruding abdomen, all while listening to Beethoven.  What's there to lose?

It's Monday and I Made Food...

It's Monday, I made food...that just happened to be meatless.  I'm pretty sure that with this pregnancy Brent was certain my cooking days went out the window along with the mopping and vacuuming.  But, the boy was wrong (mostly).

Lately, I have wanted comfort food. But, when I think of comfort food, it usually means I'm heating up my house by turning on the oven.  Uh, no thank you.  This summer heat is oven enough for me thankyouverymuch.

Anyway, the other day in my attempt to satisfy my comfort food longings, I decided I'd give homemade mac n' cheese a try.  There is a restaurant in Iowa (Atlas in Iowa City) that has the best grown-up mac'n cheese e.v.e.r.  But, It's like over an hour away, so I decided to try to replicate it.  My favorite part about their mac is the roasted tomato compote they pile in the middle of the creamy pasta dish.  Oh my goodness, it's amazing and compliments the rich cheesy sauce perfectly!

While I'd go back to Atlas in a heartbeat, I think our attempt turned out pretty awesome!  It was so creamy and totally hit the spot!  I do have a few particulars when it comes to the cheese:

1.  It has to be freshly grated.  I don't like pre-packaged shredded cheese because of that powdery stuff they put in there to keep the cheese from sticking together...it grosses me out.

2.  No stringy, oily mess.

3. Use at least two complimenting kinds of cheese for a richer flavor.

Other than that, I'm easy to please!  I should note, that though this dish is meatless, it is definitely NOT low-cal.  It's for sure a splurge.

Gourmet Mac 'n Cheese with Roasted Tomato Compote

Pasta and Sauce Ingredients:

12 oz. whole wheat elbow pasta (I used whole wheat penne because that's what I had)

2 Tbsp. butter

1/4 C. flour

1/4 minced onion

1 1/2 C. milk (I used skim )

1 C. chicken broth (vegetable broth works great!)

8 oz. shredded cheese (I used mild cheddar and Monterrey jack.  Gruyere or Fontina would be awesome!)

Toasted Breadcrumb Topping:

1/4 breadcrumbs (I used whole wheat bread I had on hand that I buzzed in the food processor)

2 Tbsp. Parmesan cheese

1 Tbsp. (or less) melted butter

dash of garlic powder

Roasted Tomato Compote:

1 can fire roasted tomatoes (I used Hunts brand)

Directions:

Cook pasta in a large pot of salted water until slightly tender.  Don't overcook or it will be soggy in the cheese sauce.  

While the pasta is cooking, pour the can of roasted tomatoes into a small saucepan.  Cook over medium heat, slightly mashing the tomatoes as it cooks and the liquid reduces (about 10-15 minutes).  You want the tomatoes to be cooked down and slightly thickened.

In a small skillet,  melt the butter for the breadcrumb topping.  Add the breadcrumbs and cook on low until slightly toasted.  Remove breadcrumbs to a dish to cool slightly before tossing with Parmesan and garlic powder.  Set aside.

In a large heavy skillet, melt the butters.  Saute the onion in the butter until softened.  Add flour and cook for about a minute until the flour is combined and golden.  Slowly add one cup of milk stirring until the sauce starts to thicken.  Next add the chicken broth, again, stirring and cooking until it becomes slightly thickened.  If the sauce mixture is getting too thick you can add the remaining 1/2 C. of milk, although I have not needed it in the past. You want the sauce to be creamy, but not too thick or too runny.  

Once the sauce has thickened, remove from heat and stir in the cheeses until completely melted.  Adjust with salt and pepper to taste.  Stir in the macaroni, and pour it into a baking dish.  Top macaroni and cheese with breadcrumbs (at this point, you can broil it in the oven to make it even more browned if you wish).  

Top individual servings with roasted tomato compote.

Enjoy!

bump.

I guess now that I'm 22 weeks, I should post the bump in all its glory.

Ta. Da.

As Emeril would say, "BAM!"

The little miss rubs my belly all the time, then wrinkles up her nose, pokes my belly button and asks, "Why you belly so BIG?"  It's not the entire sleeve of peanut butter sandwich girl scout cookies I polished off over the last few days.  Well, that's probably not helping matters!  My husband just informed me that they contain 40% of my daily fat.  Awesome.  


Hey, I'm just thankful they sound good and taste good.  Just a few weeks ago the smell of them would have sent me running to the bathroom.  Now I seem to be closer to my normal self...save for the protruding abdomen.


Oh, and today, a little boy at the park asked me why my belly was so big.  I told him it was because there was a baby in there. He so graciously replied, "Nah-uh!  You just have a fat belly!"  Thank you random park kid.  You're so sweet.

While I'm no longer sick (praise JESUS!) And my belly is bigger (as already mentioned) I certainly have a few needs this go around.  Okay, they're really wants, but when you're preggo it feels like a need.  I decided to make a list of all the things that seem to make me happy these days (because pregnancy makes me neurotic and list making...well, it's not something I normally do, so it's neurotic for me.  It's not like I'm ever going to look at this list again).

1.  I have to have a non-fat vanilla chai every morning (tazo mix at home...I'm too cheap to schlep down the street to Caribou and fork over four bucks).  This morning I ran out, so I wore my sad face around the house.  I may have whined a little too.  Then  B took me to breakfast at La Mie and I smiled again.

2.  Meat.  There I said it.  No meatless Mondays for the past few weeks, because sista hasn't been going meatless much these days.  I did, however, have a mexican black bean salad for lunch yesterday and it hit the spot...so, I might make a return to the land of no meat soon.

3.  Two words...SWEET. TEA.  

4.  One word...PIZZA...the homemade variety where my husband slaves over a hot grill in 100 degree heat. It's divine.  And so is he.

5.  TUMS.  It's like a bedtime snack these days.  Probably because of the meat and pizza.


6.  Water.  Lots and lots of super-cold water.  I just fill up my Camelback all day long.  I'm not typically a fan of drinking water, but lately I can't get enough.

I also have a list of non-food needs...I'm shaping up to be one needy pregnant lady!

1.  Bella band.  This stretchy guy has gotten me through two pregnancies now.  I don't know what I'd do without it!  I love that it allows me to wear my pre-pregnancy clothes a little bit longer.  I'm not really a fan of maternity clothes in general, so I try to get as much use out of my pre-pregnancy clothes by layering and using my Bella band.  I think there are cheaper versions out there now, but I haven't tried them.

2.  Dry shampoo.  I sort of hate washing my hair every. single. day. and then styling it.  But, without a little help, my pregnancy hair is just gross.  Dry shampoo has been my best friend.

3. Shorts.  A friend of mine claimed that she preferred being pregnant in summer to being pregnant in the winter.  Having never been noticeably pregnant in summer myself, I didn't believe her...I mean, the heat!!!  But, the girl has a point.  It's way easier to pull on a pair of shorts over a big belly than a pair of maternity pants!  She's made me a believer.


4.  Erbaviva belly oil.  Oh man.  I started using it when I was pregnant with the little Mr. and have used it with each pregnancy since.  This stuff is awesome, and no itchy belly!  I actually buy mine locally at a shop called Eden, but you can get it online at a variety of sources.


5.  Lemon verbena soy candles from Target.  I'm really sensitive to smells, and to finally find a scent that doesn't make me sick is awesome.  These candles have such a fresh, clean scent, so I burn them all the time...like every time I swear something smells weird in the house (I'm usually the only one who smells these phantom odors).

So that's the list of my crazy preggo idiosyncrasies!  If I ever go back and read this list I will definitely come to the conclusion that I lost my marbles during pregnancy.


What about you?  Do you have anything you couldn't (seemingly) live without during pregnancy?

Standing Guard...

"The mind is a dangerous tool if not guarded diligently.  If left on its own, even the greatest of celebrations can turn to fear, discouragement and a loss of hope."
                                                                                         --Holly McRae


When I read the above quote today, I wished deep inside, I had read it five weeks ago.  For the last five weeks, I have waded between hope and encouragement as I receive reports that our baby is growing and healthy, and deep discouragement over the fact that ultrasounds show the hemorrhage is still present (we've had three so far since the diagnosis, with another in two weeks).

I can truly celebrate that we have reached 17 weeks, and I am feeling stronger baby movements every day.  But, if I don't guard my mind, my celebrations turn to despair as I allow my mind to focus on the presence of the hemorrhage and fear begins to rob me of the joy that comes with carrying this little one.

Could God choose to not allow this little one to join our family here on earth?  Absolutely.  We never know how long we have with any of our loved ones.  Of course my prayer is that the hemorrhage will go away, the pregnancy continues to full-term, and we are allowed to raise this sweet baby.

In my previous pregnancies, my milestone markers were each trimester.  I would give God thanks when I crossed that imaginary dividing line that got me one step closer to delivery and holding our precious babies.  This time, I thank God at the end of each day for one more day to carry this baby.  One more day to feel sweet little kicks.  One more day of no bleeding.  More so than ever, I have so much respect and reverence for God's role as the Creator of the universe and the Sustainer of life.

Psalm 139:13-16 Is such a favorite verse when it comes to fully capturing God's role as the Creator of life:

For you created my inmost being; 
you knit me together in my mother's womb.


I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.


My frame was not hidden from you 
when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,


Your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me were written in your book
before one of them came to be.


It is comforting knowing that our baby is well-known by our Heavenly Father.  To Him, our baby is not simply a fetus.  He sees our precious one, and oversees each little detail as it is formed.  Our baby is not hidden from Him and He has already ordained our baby's days.

I know He is going before our baby and weaving together his/her story.  That is something to rejoice over!  I am really striving to not let any fear or discouragement rob me of celebrating what God is accomplishing.  I am choosing to rejoice and celebrate each milestone day-by-day, and minute-by-minute.

What about you?  Is God teaching you about an area in your life that you need to view from a perspective of joy rather than fear or discouragement?

His and Hers Adventures...

Part of the India team...my handsome fella is on the far right...

Last Wednesday the kiddos and I drove Brent to the Des Moines airport where we said good-bye as he boarded a plane for a trip...a trip to INDIA...for 16 days.  He is part of a 12 member team who are spending their days hiking the Himalayan mountains and praying along the way.  They are stopping in various mountain villages to serve the people and live among them for a bit before moving up the mountain to the next village.  This trip will be a challenge both physically and spiritually.  

In the minds of many people, praying through villages doesn't seem like much of a mission trip. True, they are not building houses or community centers.  They are not delivering humanitarian aid.  The concern of the team and the many teams who have done this trek before them is the spiritual darkness in these villages, where currently it is not safe to share the gospel.  They are building relationships with the Indian people and praying without ceasing that the doors will be swung wide open in India so the truth will penetrate the darkness and despair.  Sure, the team could build houses (and don't get me wrong, I certainly see a place for a ministry such as this), but they are far more concerned for the lost souls in India.  They long to see the people of India under the shelter of the wings of the Almighty.

families saying good-bye to the team...

This is an adventure for both of us as Brent's never been out of the country, and we've never been apart for more than a few days at a time.  For me it's an adventure in parenting skills, patience, and a challenge to keep the home front running smoothly.  The kiddos are doing really well in Brent's absence.  Eva still believes her dad is gallivanting around on an airplane, and Ethan said his dad moved to India.  Thankfully neither circumstance is true.  They miss him the most at night during our bedtime routine, as Bible story time has always been his gig, but they don't seem to mind my stories of Elisha too much even if I'm, "doing it wrong," most of the time.  I've had to break-up a couple of fights, but overall they are doing great and we're having a lot of fun together.

As for me, I'm a relatively self-sufficient person who likes to keep my daily routine, so I'm not afraid to do things on my own for a while.  The other night, we had one of our lamps quit working (truth be told the kids knocked it over during a heated brawl and I couldn't get it to work again).  My first thought was to just buy another lamp, but then my cheap side kicked in and I figured there must be a way to repair the inner workings.  Home Depot came to the rescue, and after a few minutes in the lighting department, I came out with the parts I needed and fixed the lamp.  Brent is totally our household jack-of-all-trades, but he may be out of a job as far as electrical work goes.  Just kidding.  I have a 'honey-do' list a mile long waiting for him when he gets back *evil laugh*.

.

Even though I know this time apart has been good for both of us in various ways, I am SO READY for him to come home (we still have eight days left).  I just miss our daily interactions, our little inside jokes, and our evening dates on the couch hanging out after the kiddos are in bed.  And, quite frankly, he's handsome as all get out, so I miss his face!  *Sigh*  I love him.

I know he is going to come back a completely changed person, so my prayer is that God will "catch me up" spiritually so that we can be united in the new passions and desires God stirs in Brent's heart.

Overall this is simply an exciting time and I can't wait to hear the stories, see what God is doing and how He is moving in India and the hearts of the team.

Please pray for Brent and the 11 other members of the team.  Pray for their health and safety during the trek and for God's light to shine in a darkened world!

**P.S.  A few friends have asked how my pregnancy is going so far.  The update is that the hemorrhage is still present, but that the baby continues to grow and remains healthy.  I am nearly 17 weeks now, and am feeling a bit stronger movements, so that is very encouraging.  I will try to write an update very soon.  Thank you for praying for us and baby Jackson!!!  It means more than you know!

Meatless Monday...It's Baaaaaaaaack...

I can't believe I am rejoining the world of normal eating again.  I didn't think the sickies would ever go away, and except for the rare sneak attack that sends me running for the bathroom unexpectedly, I'm back to what is somewhat normal.

For the last eight weeks, mealtime has been on Brent's shoulders with me asking, "Is it over yet?" As I huddled on the couch away from the cooking smells.  Imagine his surprise when he walked in the kitchen this weekend to find me at work getting our dinner ready...a REAL dinner!

I decided to try my hand at a semi-homemade ravioli recipe I found on A Small Snippet.  It's a little more work than simply opening up a box of pasta and boiling it, yet still relatively easy with the help of pre-packaged wonton wrappers found in the refrigerated section of the produce department.

I typically can't leave a recipe well-enough alone, so I did add a couple of things to suit our family's tastes.  To the ricotta filling, I added about a cup of chopped fresh spinach to sneak in some veggies, and the kiddos didn't even mind!  Anytime I have a ricotta based dish I usually add just a dash of nutmeg to the ricotta mixture.  It sounds crazy, but it really brings out the flavor of the ricotta, which usually is a bit bland tasting.  Other than those two additions, I pretty much stuck to the recipe.  She did not list measurements for the seasonings in the filling, so I just kind of guessed and 2 tablespoons of each seemed to be about the right amount for our family, but really you can't go wrong with a little more or a little less.

Instead of topping with a heavy sauce, the recipe called for a simple drizzle of olive oil, a few toasted walnuts, some grated Parmesan and a bit of fresh basil.  I totally recommend this!  It was so delicious.  I hope you give it a chance!  I do think the ravioli would also be great with a homemade tomato sauce or even an alfredo, but definitely try it her way first.

This meal was definitely a hit with our family.  Our kids ate it up and then asked for seconds!  The ravioli was even delicious warmed up the next day for lunch.

I hope you enjoy it as much as we did!

Semi-Homemade Spinach and Ricotta Ravioli with Toasted Walnuts

s

Ingredients:

15 oz. Ricotta

1 C. mozzarella

handful of chopped spinach

2 Tbsp. oregano
2 Tbsp. basil
2 Tbsp. parsley
2 Tbsp. Italian seasoning
dash of nutmeg
kosher salt and pepper to taste
1 Tbsp. olive oil
1 package of wonton wrappers

Finish With:
chopped toasted walnuts
grated parmesan
fresh basil
drizzle of olive oil

Directions:
Bring a pot of salted water to boil.
Combine ricotta, mozzarella, spinach, seasonings and olive oil in a bowl.  If mixture seems a bit dry, add a little more olive oil to keep things moist.  Taste and adjust seasonings according to your liking.

Sorry.  I used a good bit of the cheese mixture before remembering to take a pic!

Place a small amount of the cheese mixture in the center of each wonton wrapper.  A teaspoon or slightly more seems to be about the right proportion to keep the filling from oozing out when boiling.

Dip your finger in a bit of water and wet all of the edges, then fold into a triangle and press the edges together to seal.

Drop the ravioli into the boiling water about four or five at a time. I watched until the ravioli rose to the surface and then boiled for about another minute or so until tender. 

Remove the ravioli from the boiling water with a slotted spoon and repeat with remaining ravioli.  I tossed my cooked ravioli with just a bit of olive oil to keep them from sticking together before serving.

To serve, top the ravioli with your favorite sauce, or with walnuts, basil, parmesan cheese and a drizzle of olive oil.

Enjoy!

The One About Giving Up Control...

I'm just going to get right down to it.  No fancy intro.  No inspirational word picture to set the stage.  This week  we received some news that is not the greatest regarding our pregnancy.  Early Monday morning, I woke up to a large amount of blood.  Brent took me to the ER, where after some testing and an ultrasound, they determined I have a subchorionic hemorrhage.  The good news is the location.  It  lies just above the cervix and thus is away from the placenta, where it could force the placenta away from the uterine wall, putting me at a greater risk of miscarriage.  The not so good news, is the size.  It is roughly 5cm (2 inches) putting it at about the same size as my pregnancy.  The whole time in the ER, we were praying for two miracles.  First, that the bleeding would stop or slow down, and second that our baby would still be alive.  God graciously answered both of those prayers so we give Him the praise.

I am still spotting and occasionally have larger amounts of blood, which could be good as the hemorrhage releases the blood instead of building up, but frankly, bleeding in pregnancy is never a 'good' thing.  Luckily, because of the position of the hemorrhage, it is not blocking nourishment to our baby, and so we have a very healthy baby right now, who is growing, moving and has a strong heartbeat!  We had an ultrasound yesterday, and it was such a gift to see our little one, fully developed and doing acrobats. I praise God for the opportunity to see those beautiful tiny hands and feet!  I am not on bed rest, I am just to take things easy, so no heavy lifting or marathon training ha!

When we first found out, I was desperately seeking wise counsel and encouragement from the doctors and specialist.  I wanted someone to guarantee me of our baby's ability to survive.  And you know what I received?  Two doctors gave me a positive outcome, and two told me to be prepared for the worst.  I was left feeling discouraged and desperate.  I came home and sobbed, then I remembered a scrap piece of paper in my purse where I had written some verses down to share with a friend.  I spent my afternoon in silence, reading God's word, praying and releasing my fears to Him.

If you don't mind I would like to share a couple of them with you:

John 14:27

"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you.  I do not give to you as the world gives.  Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.

I realized that I was looking in the wrong place for my peace.  I was desperate for the doctors to give me hope...but there is only ONE who is the giver of hope.  Our Heavenly Father.  He is the Father of all peace and comfort, so why was I looking to the world to provide that for me?  I was also reminded of something else.  Fear is not from God.  He is not the Father of fear...He is the Father of peace and comfort and hope.

Romans 15:13

"May the god of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. 

I just cannot tell you how encouraged I feel.  I was thinking back to something Job said in the Bible (but, believe me, I in know way am identifying myself with Job's trials) he basically said, God's mind and purpose has never changed and whatever He wants to do, He does.  He controls our destiny.  

While I don't completely understand the purpose in all of this today, I can say that it has caused me to do one thing that God longs for each of us to do...release my control to Him.  There is nothing I can do of myself to change outcomes in my favor, but I can thank Him for every single day I get to have with this baby, and I can rest in the fact that whether the outcome is in my favor or not, He controls my destiny.  His ways are higher than mine, and His plan is to prosper me and not harm me.  To give me hope and a future (Jeremiah 29:11).  

I hesitated writing this post, because I don't want to convey the wrong thing.  I am not looking for sympathy or attention.  I am praising God for the hope He is giving me each day!  I have shed many tears, but feel at such peace about this whole thing right now.  I have searched God's word and am learning to give up control.  Right now we have a growing, healthy-baby, and that gives me so much hope!  We all have pain and trials, it just looks different for each of us.  I pray that you are encouraged by God's words of hope as I have been!

2 Corinthians 1:3-5

"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.  For just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ, so also our comfort abounds through Christ.

It's Been A While...

My name is Nikki and it's been nearly a month since my last confession.

Friends this was a much needed break as things have been rough in the Jackson house.  We're talking dirty laundry piling up, dishes that need washed, kids who need to be schooled, a house that has needed some serious attention, and a sweet hubby who has been trying to be Mr. Mom in the middle of the mayhem.  Now, one may think I'm not pulling my weight around here.  And you'd be right.  I've been hanging out on the couch...sick.  Yuck.  But it's for a good reason...

Coming mid-November...

My first thought when I saw those double lines on the stick? (okay, in full disclosure...5 sticks later)  We will now be outnumbered.  I'm sure the joke's on us, but right now we're pretty stinking excited!  In November I may be more dazed and confused.

So, while I've been...ummm...'working'...the blog has totally taken the back seat.  Meatless Monday?  So not happening for a while.  The thought of listing ingredients for Meatless Monday about sends me over the edge.  It will definitely be back...maybe in a few weeks.  Ha!  Oh, and Thrifted Thursday?  Yeah...right now I'm lucky to get out of leggings and t-shirts.  I love you all too much to subject you to that hot mess.

Posts may be a bit sporadic for a bit, but when this fog called morning sickness lifts, then I'll get back to the grind.

The kiddos are way excited and have already put in their gender requests and name choices.  Ethan wants a boy and would like to name him, "Gadget".  Eva would like a girl and is requesting the name, "Latte".  I have vetoed both names.  Although, I do see the humor in yelling across the parking lot, "Latte!  Get over here right now!  We don't run around the parking lot!"  There's something just a little awesome about that.  But, no.  I definitely won't go there.  Maybe we'll just call the baby "latte" until he/she arrives.  That might be okay.

I usually get asked a couple of questions and I'll totally answer them here because I'm pretty much an open book...

1)  Will you find out the baby's gender?
No.  We're crazy like that.  We didn't find out with either the little Mr. or Miss and we totally LOVE surprises!

2)  Will this baby's name start with the letter 'E'?
Depends.  We never intended to go with all 'E' names.  Eva was originally going to be Avery but after she was born she looked nothing like an Avery, so we were back at square one in the name department before settling on Eva (oh, and in case you're wondering, we do not pronounce her name 'Ava' or 'Eh-va'.  We pronounce the long 'E'.).  If baby numero tres is a boy, his name will start with the letter 'M'.  If a girl...well, we do have two 'E' names we like, but we haven't nailed it down yet and it certainly doesn't have to start with the letter 'E' to make the cut.  Very long answer sheesh!

3)  We know your house only has two bedrooms.  Does that mean you will be moving before the baby comes?  
Again, we're crazy, but no.  We are not moving.  We LOVE our house, neighborhood and location so much that we are not moving.  Plus, our neighborhood is a melting pot and the best place for us to do ministry right now.  Ethan and Eva share a room and will soon be getting bunkbeds.  Baby number 3 will sleep in our room until he/she sleeps through the night and then all three will share a room.  Sort of like the Darling family in Peter Pan! Ha!  I'm actually sort of excited to have all of them share.  Sure, we'll have to move eventually, but for now we're staying put.  Hopefully one day I'll do a house post and give you all a little tour of our sweet bungalow we call home!

photo courtesy Disney

So, that's it in a nutshell.  I'll be around kind of here and there, but hope to get back to writing soon!
In the meantime, enjoy this video of Brent and I letting the cat out of the bag with the kiddos.  To set the stage for a positive reaction, we took them out for ice cream...it worked.  Oh, and pay no attention to the fact that the little Mr. is eating his styrofoam cup...I promise we feed our children something other than styrofoam.

Meatless Monday...Fail

Today I've been sort of wracking my brain on what to share for Meatless Monday since last night's dinner was a huge fail (Cheesy Quinoa Cakes= Greasy Crumbled Mess).  I sort of had high hopes that the Quinoa patties would knock my socks off, but after trying many different varieties (black beans, lentils and now quinoa) I'm beginning to think unless it's beef, it doesn't belong in a patty.  I know.  Sort of goes against my meatless standards.  I will give it one last try soon and will reveal my final conclusion.


So, with no wow-factor leftovers, I was forced to make a sandwich for lunch today.  I had some homemade guacamole on hand, some veggies, flat bread and monterrey jack cheese.  I figured surely this would make some kind of a good combo.  It was good.  Actually, it was awesome!  The kids looked longingly at my sandwich and asked for one bite.  Knowing that their bite equals three-fourths of my sandwich, I thought about saying, "No, my loves.  This is mommy's delicious sandwich, finish your peanut butter."  But, I remembered the whole sharing thing...so I shared.  And they loved it too.  They also finished it :(

Grilled Guacamole Melt

1 whole wheat flat bread circle, cut in half (could also use pita pockets or tortillas)

Smidge of butter

Thinly sliced monterrey jack cheese

2 Tbsp guacamole (recipe below)

4 thin slices of tomato

Thinly sliced red onion

2 Tbsp. shredded carrot

1)  Lightly butter one side of each flat bread half.

2) On one half of the flat bread layer the cheese.  Spread with guacamole and top with veggies.  Top with other half of bread and grill buttered side down over medium heat until golden brown.  Flip and grill the other side until brown and cheese is melted.

3) Eat in hiding, so you don't have to share.

Guacamole

2 Ripe avocados

1 roma tomato, diced very fine

1/4 C. red onion, diced very fine

1/4 C. cilantro, chopped

1/4 tsp. garlic powder (more or less to taste)

1/4 tsp. kosher salt (more or less to taste)

2 Tbsp. lemon juice

1 seeded jalapeno, chopped fine (optional)

Combine all ingredients and mash until smooth (or slightly chunky).  Chill, wrapped tightly in plastic before serving.  To store any remaining guacamole (but seriously, who has leftovers?) place in a small ziplock bag, being careful to remove all air from the bag creating a tight seal against the guacamole to prevent browning.